Where?

Where have you been
those endless nights
when the tears kept falling
and I couldn't stop trembling
from the ache gnawing on my heart?

Where have you been
when they pushed me around
and mocked my achievements
calling me names and
taking my belongings to hide them for fun?

Where have you been
when those I thought were my friends
betrayed me and joined the bullies
and I had no one to
share a laugh or a secret with?

Where have you been
when I made the discoveries
I'm still sick and afraid of
and missed the steps
all the others around me took?

You've never even known...
shut your eyes and chose blindness.

But where have I been
during all these years?

My self beaten down and exiled,
skinned, burning at the stake, unconscious.
My spirit wounded and bleeding.

Where have I been
lost and wandering unknown lands,
not sailing among the shores
and suffocated under the weight in the sand,
buried deep down under your castle.

I've never even known...
left logic and reason to the arms of good will.

And where am I now?

Still lost, and confused, distrusting, and shaky,
unable to love and thus ugly.

And there's still no one
to hold my hand, to hold on to.

Learnt to live with it?
Unsure... unconvincing...